Erffdogg Memorial League

Erffdogg Memorial League

Confessions of a Hardball Newbie

OK—got into this fantasy baseball league. The other owners have no idea what they are in for. 20 years of APBA, 24 years of Rotisserie, hundreds of baseball books read, hundreds of games attended, dozens of pre-internet hours spent in public library micro-fiche collections reading day by day accounts of entire seasons. I knew Bill James when the guy was self-published. This should be easy.

Holy Crap---these are NOT real players! They are all software avatars of some sick baseball dude’s imagination. Deep breathes. I can figure this out. Memo to self: kill Mike D.

I need a freaking budget?  To play baseball?  Seriously? I haven’t balanced my checkbook since 1983.

What are all these deadlines in the League Schedule? I love baseball because it has no clock. This is like some sick baseball Disney world, where all the trains run on time and everybody but me seems to know where they are going.

How hard can this really be?

But, why is there a baseball team in Little Rock? Why are my players so old, so bad, and so expensive? Was the previous owner Harry Frazee? 

Wait. Each player has like 30 separate criteria to evaluate?  What is OAV? Who is AI? Why won’t my draft settings save? How come a CF can play shortstop? How much does catcher ERA matter? Don’t all agents lie; so why does the price for these free agents actually keep going up? Why is my home record worse than the 20^th century French military? Why can't I find one freaking left-handed hitter? Are my Latin guys actually as old they say they are? Why does Curt Mayberry look like that?

How do I get good?

Don’t panic. I just need some time to………….

(to be continued)